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Another piece of brilliant design

Pockets are good. They're great things for keeping other things in - keys, money, amalgamated fluff and such like. The general rule is that the more pockets the better. A pocket on your back, however, is surely not the best idea. Unless you have something you want to be rid of, of course.

And certainly not at any other time.

Just about managed to snap this as I was being flung about on the tube. The author had scribed the words BURN THE HOUSES above Westminster station, in nice, big, fat marker pen. After standing back and viewing their work, obviously the decision was made that this was too serious. Far too full on political activist. So, they scribbled out Temple and added on a lighter note - TAMPON. Then stepped back and looked again. Now, it says political activist with a puerile sense of humour. And they left it at that.

Artistic license

Milk? Ewrgh!

Aspreto's product development team must have spent an even later night on this design classic. And the result is one that would look more at home in a science lab than on a tea tray. It's USP - a curved bottom that means if you put it down it falls over and milk dribbles out everywhere. So, when delivered to our meeting rooms, it comes balanced inside one of the cups. Genius. And then there's the feeling you get when you look at it. It's like some sort of hideously deformed, bulbous udder.

What was so wrong with the good old fashioned jug? Bring it back. Please.

Sweeping statement

I never knew people could be so keen on a format. Stuck on the box of a film I purchased at the weekend.

Nearly free speech

This comments box was in Barclays today. Happily enough I don't bank with them, but from what I've heard, the comments are highly unlikely to be polite. This lone comment could be open to interpretation. There's a chance that some partially sighted old biddy mistook this for a charity box. But surely she would have donated more than a mere tuppence. No, I believe someone very deliberately left this comment. That enduring several years of banking with Barlcays lead to the cynical, and undoubtably correct, belief that this was how much a comment would be worth.

Mixed messages

The first guest appearance

This was spotted by fellow lensman One Hour Photo inside a pub in Camden.

Seeing as I wasn’t there, I can only imagine what an exciting place this was. Parched, sober people awkwardly standing round, incapable of making conversation with anyone of the opposite sex. Bored, dejected barmen and a load of unhappy, empty glasses. Stuck indoors. They’re not allowed outside. Poor things.

Going up, up and away

Like most lifts, the one at my work has an emergency telephone. Last week, as I was going up to the 5th floor, the speaker started ringing. After two rings, there was a click and I was then party to the following:

"Hello! This is Sandra and I've got some fantastic news for you!!"

This was said in a thick American accent, and the sound quality led me to realise that it was a recorded message Thankfully I didn't have to interact with this Sandra. She continued:

"Because today is your lucky day - you've won this month's holiday!"

The lift had just won a holiday. Today was certainly my lucky day. She proceeded to reel off the details, then saying in order to collect just press 7, then 5, then 3... you get the gist. By this time, my mind was imagining the lift smugly relaxing on some idyllic beach, sipping a cocktail. Or painfully recounting to its elevator friend "I was taken in, that Sandra took me for ride. After staying on the line for a hour, they'd fleeced me for hundreds"

A polite request

This sign graces the walls of a ladies loo in an upmarket chippy in Brighton. At the time they were admittedly spotless, but if they were disastrously strewn with scrunched up toilet paper and dirty towels would the Duty Manager really thank you for dragging it all out across the restaurant floor in front of paying punters? Would he be delighted if you presented your findings to him at the bar? Apparently so. Maybe he'd even comp you a sticky toffee pudding, or a banana split.

Books? Shhhhh!

Stuck on the window of a south London library is a large sign with the words: DVDS/CDS/BOOKS ON TAPE emblazoned on it. (Sadly I didn't have time to snap it as I sailed past on a double decker). Do libraries now feel they should keep it quiet that they still have books? You know, the ones with writing in them. That you can read. Books? No, none here. Don't be afraid, come back to our library. We've got rid of all those nasty repellent books now.

Fancy a cuppa?

Aspreto's product development team must have been working a particularly late night on this one. And thank god they did as I've found it so confusing up until now. Perhaps as their next bold move they'll introduce a new range called "Black Tea to have with milk and sugar". I'd have a cup of tea to celebrate.

This appeared at my bus stop today. At the time I was cowering away from blustering winds and pouring rain. And watching the occasional cyclist struggling to make any headway into the wind that was tunnelling down the road. Now I know global warming is a bit of a problem, but no-one can convince me that it's summer by any stretch of the imagination. Nor were the cyclists I saw, 'better off by bike'. I was definitely the one who was 'better off'. Who decided it was a wise move to run this poster in January? Did they not wonder, for a moment to themselves, that maybe, just maybe, this wasn't quite the best idea they'd have this year?

Planning, it seems, is everything

11-pin bowling

Please excuse the blurry photo - my camera's not the best for close ups.You're looking at the wonders of a poster on a Village Community noticeboard. There's to be a bowling competition - with an illustration of said sport helpfully illustrated next to the headline. What's unusual about this version of bowling is that it appears that it involves having your cock hanging out. In full swing, so to speak. On closer examination, however, I believe the artist meant to convey the detail of the bowler's flies. Well, I did see this in Wales.

Cut-Price Kitchen

Your complete kitchen, available on the side of a road in North London. Includes washing machine and all-in-one Fisher-Price oven. I wonder, did the person who dumped these two kitchen appliances combine then deliberately? Or was this sheer coincidence, the washing machine swallowing its last sock, the kids getting too old for pretend baking - at exactly the same time. Or perhaps someone else added one to the other at a later date. Whichever, thank you, it was inspired.

There is another way

As I was impatiently waiting for the bank to open, I spotted this sitting in the window, perched on top of a filing cabinet. I can only imagine what my bank is doing with vinyl exam gloves. Perhaps another way of combating fraud? Instead of giving your mother's maiden name, a more thorough examination of your person is now the order of the day.

Things you find on the street

You never know what someone will decide they don't want anymore and leave on the side of the street. Oddly, this day someone decided that the 50 or so very large, different letters which made up a huge sign was something they didn't want to have around anymore. For those of you puzzling over the photo, they're the sort of signs you find around Brighton Pier, filled with light bulbs to make up each letter. So, as a result of this rejection, they were piled up on top of each other in a London back alley. What the sign once said, I've no idea. If only Richard Whiteley was still alive. He'd solve this conundrum.